Water, friend or foe?

At a certain point on the road, things get turned upside down and the complicated becomes simple while the simple becomes slippery and elusive.  This portion of the blog will be titled, "WATER".  There will be chapters to better allow me to describe the distress caused by the lack of, keeping of and attaining of water.

Jugs

You are headed in to a canyon for days at a time where there is probably limited to no access to water.  You must stock up on water, and your 17 different sized, colored and decorated Nalgenes aren't going to cut it.  Two 5-gallon, collapsable, beautiful, blue water jugs are purchased.

What you don't see coming...is when two weeks in to your month-long trip, your beautiful, blue, water gallon begins deceiving you, leaking all over your car and quietly depriving you of your hard-earned water.  

Duct tape, shoe goo, positioning and towels were all tools of desperation
in trying to keep our water safe.

We fought to hold on.  We rationed our water.  We stored dirty dishes.  We begged the dogs to "finish your water!" so no drop was left behind.  We teetered on the brink of dehydration and now, they will be returned today, tantrum included.

Pumping

It becomes apparent that pumping water from a well in Ten Sleep, Wyoming is a cushy situation.  You drive to designated water pump tucked away in the beautiful canyon landscape.  You team up to pump and carry, pump and carry.  You accept it as a warm-up (or cool down) for the core to upper body parts.  Water is always just one, beautiful, old road away.  

In Maple Canyon, things changed.  Water was just slightly out of reach.  We would have to drive 25 minutes out of the canyon to the nearest town, Fountain Green, to refill our failing water jugs.  I felt slightly criminalistic as I slinked around the side of a closed gas station, in the dark, unscrewed a hose, and battled with a hand-pump to acquire our water.  (This was approved as a decent and acceptable activity by said gas station attendants previously in the week.)  We waged constant battle with keeping enough water for three people and two dogs who were hiking, climbing and sweating it out.

Showers

Showers.  Showers become this on-going joke.  You take pride in your ability to feel comfortably dirty.  You bathe in cold, mountain streams to the sounds of nature...and your companions shrieking and sucking in desperate breaths of air upon surfacing.  You use baby wipes on lazy days.  You point and laugh at each others discoloration.  

Then, all of a sudden, you are in a place where there are no mountain streams.  Just dirt.  Loose, flying in the air, sticking to your face, dirt.  The lack of showers slowly becomes less funny.  You become overjoyed at the finding of a small pipe spitting out one shockingly cold spout of water by your campsite.  You find yourself "splash-bathing" in the 6 inches of icy water.  

Then finally, 2.5 weeks later, the lack of a shower becomes unbearable.  You drive to a truck stop and pay the kind lady $10.00 to take a shower with all the other "professional drivers" on the road.  It really was quite nice.  I believe I was given the opportunity to jam to "Wild World" while taking my sweet $10.oo worth of time.

Flying J shower time

Rain

Opposite problem.  No water!  Keep the water OUT!  It rained something like 4 out of 5 nights at the start of our road trip.  Rain shells, tarps, running to the car.  We reversed our energy to avoid water at all costs.  Wet dogs (and wet people and their wet things) do not improve the interior of a tent or a Chevy Malibu.

A wet and shell-ed Meghan

Hydrate

Finally, we need water to drink.  But just when you expend all this energy to find water, pump water, carry water, bathe in water, and ration water...  suddenly it just seems easier to drink wine.

Or beer, if you're Derek.

We've hijacked the computer.  We need your help.  We're speaking from the sidewalk of Bozeman, Montana.  We're G.D. hostages out here!  Please <bark> listen!!

They took us from our home, shoved us in a small moving home with wheels, then let us loose in the wild.

We had to train to get our strength up.  We have to be ready to fend off the coyotes threatening our lives in the Wyoming night.  It smells like cows.  Sometimes they leave just one of us behind!  We think it's some sort of mental training.  DisGUSTing.

All we do is train.  We climb up.  They hang from ropes.  We climb down.  We climb up.  Then down, up, down, up, down.  What is the PURpose?!

No matter what we do, how we beg, the tears we shed...they continue to kidnap us in this small moving home.  We even left a threat at their feet this morning.  They laughed.  They LAUGHED and simply disposed of the remains.  Heartless creatures...

We continue to train on our own.

We've changed our diet, to survive in the wilderness, to long greens, fresh dirt and identifiable leaves.

But we're tired.

We're confused and we're in dire need of your help.  We're trying to lay low, plot our next move.

We heard them talking about a Sawtooth or something.  An Idaho.  It might be our next home.  Please look it up.  Find us there.  HELP US!

Sincerely,

Maggie-f@#%ing-May
              &
     Luka Thunder

FIRST STOP: Ten Sleep, Wyoming

THIS PLACE IS CHOSS. DON'T GO HERE. PLEASE SEE BELOW.

Rock fall...?

Now I know that probably only three people total read this blog (thanks for reading Mom!)- and given the above photo, only two of you have probably continued reading to this point. You will now be rewarded for your persistence and blind, unwarranted faith in my blogging abilities so both of you listen up- this place is, to quote the guidebook, “the buttery sickness”. 

Mmm... so buttery...

Located outside the tiny “town” of Ten Sleep (where the elevation is higher than the population) are miles and miles of pristine bighorn dolomite. Driving through the canyon is like watching a real life magic eye unfolding before your eyes. There is free camping, which is stellar as long as you can forgo running water and don’t mind bringing bug spray and a shovel on your morning trips to the bathroom. The locals and the other climbers who make the trip out are friendly and laidback. Showers are available at the RV park in town for $5, although we opted for a little Bronner’s and the free freezing waters of Ten Sleep Creek instead. The Second Street Bakery in town has great food and caffeinated beverages- but whatever you do, DON’T EAT MEXICAN IN WYOMING. I am fairly certain there are no actual Mexicans in Wyoming. At least none that can cook.

I will serenade you while you bathe down by the river.

 Now for the climbing. Ahhhh the CLIMBING. While I am looking forward to the next stops on our cross-country adventure, I literally had to be dragged kicking and screaming from Ten Sleep this year. I am more hooked on that place than ever and I have no doubt I will be back in the near future. If you are interested in going to Ten Sleep, I would highly recommend purchasing the guidebook and reading it cover to cover. It’s a sick, demented and hilarious religious handbook with occasional references to rock climbing. In the meantime, we’ve decided to give you a highlight reel of each of our favorite climbs from this past week. Enjoy.

Lauren: Thor 5.10b at the World Domination Wall

A little Greek god loving is all Lauren needs

 Completely and utterly classic. A little face climbing gives way to a fun crack with a combination of underclings and laybacks and then a headwall. Tall, aesthetic with great positioning. Did I mention CLASSIC? Lauren’s “game changer”.

Derek: Jesus Christ Super Jew 5.10d at Metropolis

What exactly can I jam into this crack....?

Starts with a hand and foot jam crux right off the deck. Don’t worry though- the fun and groveling doesn’t end there. Let go of your pride and skin as you thrust and torque every appendage into the crack. Feels more like trad climbing than sport (no wonder it was Derek’s favorite). Although you’ll be all up in that crack, don’t forget to look around- the view of the canyon from this climb is spectacular.

Me: Cocaine Rodeo 5.12a at Valhalla

Cocaine. My drug of choice.

Crux, rest, crux, rest, headwall, hallucinate. Any description I write of this climb will not do it justice so please refer to the guidebook description below:

After an AMAZING time at Ten Sleep, I can’t wait to see what is next for the three of us. We only left Wyoming a day ago and already we’re had some incredible locally raised and brewed burgers and beers, played with a domesticated lobster named Nudles and slept under the Montana stars.

For now, I leave you with Nudles.

Why the heck does the lobster get the chicken??

Dirty, Wild, Challenging and Free.

It something about the space out here. I can never quite explain how I feel or why but I know it when it happens. That overwhelming surge of freedom. The shift in perspective where suddenly, you are small and the land, whether it is open and flat for miles or large and towering above you, swallows you up. There is a part of me, a very large part, that finally feels like it is where it is supposed to be.

OPEN SPACE.  a.k.a. Ten Sleep Canyon, WY.

I want to keep that part happy and I want to keep it here longer.  A month longer.  So this trip was going to challenge a new part of me. The clean part. The I-sleep-in-beds-and-wash-in-showers part.  The clean clothes, comfortable consumer, poop in toilets part.  The I-pay-for-camping-and-sleep-in-the-fake-woods part.  And I was PUMPed to see if this new part of me would rise to the dirt-bag challenge.

We arrived in Ten Sleep Canyon and set up camp there.  I felt immediately comfortable, happy and then...a little ecstatic.  That "part" of me came alive.  A red-squirel alarm clock, crawling out of a tent to a vast view of the canyon, brushing my teeth in the trees.  I became aware that I was quickly embracing the dirty.  It was happening surprisingly fast.  An anti-routine routine was forming.  Then I realized... this "part" of me is really just the 9 year old kid I used to be.  On the road, in cars and tents and in the canyon, she has been truly set free from where she has been caged up and forced in to a strict timeline of playtime only on the weekends.  She came out JUMPING for JOY in her dirty feet, tangled hair and banged-up-bruised knees.

Ok, she's in a bath here.  And she's much younger.

STILL...she was pretty badass... 

(Hi Linz!)

Learning that it is still completely within my power to allow the 9-year-old Lauren to live in unity with the adult (we will refrain from plastering my old-ass-age all over the net, thank you) Lauren, has been the most thrilling part. (I mean, that and a couple game-changing sends in my climbing world.) During this time, I have come across a few essentials that allow me to bridge the age gap and live successfully out in the dirty, wild, freedom of Ten Sleep Canyon...

Allow me to share my findings:

1. Wipes. ALL kinds of wipes. They are miracle workers in my opinion. Shower? Nah. Just a wipe, wipe, WIPE.

2. Hand Sanitizer. Just sometimes - its the key to one layer less grime before you eat. It's simple. 

3. Headbands. Dirty hair? No problem. Just tuck it under some colorful cloth and you forget you even have hair. What hair? I don't need to wash any hair...

4. A spade, toilet paper and bug spray. They're essential - together - I'll leave it at that...

5. Dr. Bronners and rivers. Cold, fresh, flowing rivers. I could quite possibly never need a "real" shower again.

*6. Bag Balm. Derek (my boyfriend) would die without it.
The asterisk is there because the seriousness and necessity of the Bag Balm is all relative to your situation. In our case - it is a life-saving necessity. Without it, Derek would die. (see above)
(Also, it is of course helpful when your New England skin is too fragile and pampered to handle the dry, thin, air of the elevated west.) 

I had missed the 9-year-old. She was a pretty cool chick in her day. She would play outside, barefoot and running like a maniac until her parents literally dragged her in, locked the slider door, and forced dinner upon her. I remember when she would stage rebellions against baths and bedtimes. She was a ringleader, confident and comfortable in her ways. (She was a touch bossy and little bit spiteful but...someone had to hold it down in the neighborhood.)

Turns out...She LIVES! And apparently - she loves to climb. I don't know where she has been for the past "few" (shut-up) years, but it is damn good to have her back. She is far more confident and up for the challenge. She is positive, light-hearted and playful. She has overthrown the tired, doubtful and apprehensive older Lauren - (MAN she was starting to get annoying).  She seems to come alive out here.  I guess she needs the space...and I can't say I blame her.

Ten Sleep Canyon, WY.